so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
