I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
