It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
