We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
