We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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