Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
