I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
