Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
