I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
