I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Success! We fucked roommates!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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