after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
