You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
