I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize