uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
