I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My life is pants optional.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
