i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
