I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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