just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
