If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
