I think I just saw someone hide a body.
one might say we're banned from that church
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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