I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
