On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
