...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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