dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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