Jerry, you need to find god
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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