Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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