We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Your penis caused this!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
