Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
