I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
