I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
