Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
