I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
either way he was missing a nipple.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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