I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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