I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
