It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
