Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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