hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize