I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
My hand turned me down
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
