It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
