I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
