Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
