Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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