it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
