Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
