If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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