I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize