At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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