i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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