Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
