No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
