Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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