I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
