Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
