i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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