She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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