As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
