i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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