You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Randomize
