youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
