You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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