just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
