that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
No subtext here. People are naked.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
