I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
