Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize