is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
