Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
